Riding with Satan!
The Devil Made Me Do It!!
This is Speaker-of-the-House Mike Johnson’s reaction to a couple of hundred nude citizens of Portland, Oregon riding their bikes in front of an ICE facility:
“What I’ve seen is the abuse of law enforcement by radical leftist activists,” Johnson said. “Most recently, the most threatening thing I’ve seen is the naked bicyclers in Portland who were protesting ICE down there. I mean, it’s getting really ugly.”
This is a man (Johnson) who, shortly after being elected Speaker of the House, told a gathering of Christian journalists that God had spoken to him (Mr. Mike) and told him that he (Mr. God) had chosen him (Mikey) to be the next Speaker. (Either God is truly all-knowing or he (God), like me, has nothing better to do and watches too much C-Span.
Here is the real story... Mike Johnson has an unsupervised Satan-worshipping worm eating his brain... And it gets worse! He (Mr. Mike) secretly lusts after these nude bike-riders! And it gets even worser than that!! He is afraid he might be one of them!!
He cannot rid himself of the constant disgusting images of demon-ridden hippie radical Antifa servants-of-Satan that teem and rage in his brain.
So, he has forced the House to take a permanent vacation until he has purged himself of these evil images.
The Devil must not win!!
Mikey-Mike spends hours every day in the speaker’s office, stripped naked, peddling madly on his Pendleton, lashing himself with a spiked whip... For a while it works, but then the images of naked bikers return; He pedals faster, but then a new, shocking, and far more terrifying image appears: He sees a short, middle-aged, slightly chubby man with horn-rimmed glasses peddling straight toward him--wearing nothing but his birthday suit and shouting, “No Kings!”
This is disgusting, horrible! Even unacceptable! Faster and faster, Speaker Mike pedals his Pendelton...but the naked man gets closer and closer... Now he can see the naked man’s face.. No! No!! IT IS--HIMSELF! How could this be? Did God choose him to lead the house only to torment him?!
Wobbling... he gets down ofs his bike and calls Secretary Kennedy, who prescribes carrot juice, lye and crushed holy wafers... Mike chugs down a quart right away--but whatsoever he doeth, more and more naked cyclists--and he is one of them--keep riding into and out of his brain with even asking permission!
Yesiree Bob and Praise-the-Lord! This is the man who is third in line to succeed to The Presidency! Brethren and Sistren, the only thing to do—in the face of such hypocritical nuttiness—is to rent a two-wheeler, strip naked, and, while reading REVELATIONS aloud, put all our peddles to the metal…